Should we become less controlling as gardeners?

While we all love mature gardens: borders packed with well-established plants, every space accounted for, there’s a lot to be said for breathing space. And I mean that literally and metaphorically. As gardeners we can be restless, relentlessly looking for the next best thing, comparing our garden to other gardens. We all have our own level of fixation with it, fed to varying degrees by over-shopping, over-planting, or just out and out overindulgence. And because I recognise a lot of myself in that statement, I’m endeavouring to behave differently this year.

I’m taking a chill pill, becoming more relaxed about my garden. It’s about taking time to appreciate what’s there and resist the urge to keep adding for the sake of adding.

What’s come over me? I’m taking a chill pill, becoming more relaxed about my garden. It’s about taking time to appreciate what’s there and resist the urge to keep adding for the sake of adding. It happens so easily, that nervous twitch-like reflex that creeps up on you, the desire to reach perfection with your planting, forgetting that nature is indeed beautiful but not always perfect. We strive for control over our plants, sometimes losing patience with underperformers, but it’s time to relax.

We all contribute to the million-pound economy that is the ornamental and edible horticultural sector. And this year, Easter is early, meaning that the nationally agreed ‘starter gun’ that signals the beginning of the gardening season will soon be fired. Soon garden centres, open gardens and the eagerly anticipated annual garden shows will have us all excited like sugar-rushed teens at the fair. There has been a recent uplift in people growing their own fruit and veg, accelerated since the pandemic, which suggests that cultivation, on however small a scale, is not a mere lifestyle choice but stems from a need to connect with our more primal selves and a simpler coexistence with nature.

That’s the spirit I’m trying to channel by sitting on my hands and watching the flowers. An uncomplicated, undemanding relationship with my garden is my goal. How often do we gardeners do that: just sit and take it all in? It’s one of my resolutions for my garden this year: to spend more time sitting in it – morning coffee, weekend brunches, barbecues. I’m moving the table into the middle of the lawn so I can be totally immersed in it. They say you should spend the first year in a new home observing the garden before you make any changes. I did that. And now five years on I’m going to follow that advice again.

The more we look the more we see, and I feel I’ve lost sight of some of the beauty and charm that’s right under my nose, so I’m having a word with myself, slowing my roll. I’m also enjoying some new additions. The bulbs I planted in autumn are starting to come through and that’s always exciting to see. In the same way that I love space in a conversation, to let things sink in, I’m applying that to my garden this year: letting it percolate and trying to relinquish control a little more.

Get in touch:

Do you agree with Flo that we should all be trying to change a little less in our gardens and enjoy them more? We'd love to hear your thoughts. Email us at: letters@gardenersworld.com

Read more:

• Easy-care summer container ideas
• Low-maintenance fruit and veg to grow
• Podcast: How to make a garden that's fuss-free and fabulous